Just Wanna Be His ItGirl
by nycgirl21
Summary: Bella, the It-Girl in New York City, has it pretty damn good. The perfect job, the best friend, the perfect apartment, all of it. But what she is missing is love. It's all her fault it's gone. Bella wants it back, and will fight to get what she wants.
1. 1: Just Send It

_**Hello Readers, (I hope)**_

_**Better Summary: Bella is the It-Girl in New York City. She has the perfect job as a fashion journalist, the bestest friend a girl could ever wish for, the perfect apartment, and of course, a wardrobe not even Carrie could dream of. But with all the good, comes the bad. In Bella's case, the bad is losing the love she gave up. Bella and Edward were meant to be from first IM. Only problem was, Bella thought she was good enough. Edward tried to tell her otherwise. Bella is stubborn and couldn't believe what she had done until it was too late. Or was it. This is Bella's journey working hard to get back the love she always wanted, but was to stubborn to admit.  
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_**I would also like to say, that this is from personal experience. So as they say in Law and Order; This is based off of real experiences. The names and faces have been changed to hide the identity of the victims involved. Thank you for reading...see you at the bottom.  
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><p><em><strong>Just Send It, Bitch<strong>_:

_**Why? I have asked myself this question for the past four years. How could I have done something so stupid. I gave up the one thing that would have made me really happy. I opened my big trap to let the venom seep out. Looking back I know I fucked this all up. I just wish I hadn't. I know I can say that all I want but you won't even give me a response to let me know you hate my guts. A simple FUCK YOU will work. We tried to make it work. We never had to try. It would have worked out on its own. That's the problem. I see that now. I kept fighting something that was so perfect. One real dilemma was distance. I let it bother me. So much that I looked for something we had somewhere else. I was young. I thought I could never make anything work. So much death followed me and here I was in love with a boy who did nothing BUT love me back. Yet still I looked somewhere else. Found something else. Someone to be exact. Someone who would mean nothing if you would just write me or call me. Hell, even a text would work. Tell me to fuck off. Tell me you hate me. Or tell me the truth you said all those years ago, drunk and rambling. That you will always love me, and just want me closer. I would move anywhere for you. I should have told you that then. When everything was perfect and I was so fucking blind. Listening to stupid love songs about kissing and touching. I wanted to experience that. Only I didn't want it with someone else, I wanted you. So I found someone who was just close enough that if I closed my eyes I made it you. Then after so long of just words and hope it happened. You came to me. I was stunned when I saw the email you were coming. One week later there you were handing me a pack of cigarettes and shy as the first time you said hello. To see the spark in your eye, I imagined I'd always see. I never moved on. No matter how much I wanted to I just couldn't. After, what felt like days, you touched me. A stroke over my fingers and I was right back in love. Looking back I was never out of love. I said cruel things to push you away to keep myself from getting hurt, but I ended up hurting myself. I let you go. I let you go to her. The vile woman you hold now. Why can't I be her? Why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY EDWARD?**_

I never send the email. I closed the laptop and put it back on the table and sat in the sill of the window looking out over New York. I can not believe I got it all out but couldn't send it. Dr. Jasper said it would take time. I had tried texting and calling Edward to get no response and an empty voicemail. I had so much courage to call but now I couldn't send a simple email. Sitting in this window sill I think back and remember a song I can't stand to listen to now. One that all those years ago made me swoon. _"Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do."_ The song echoed through my mind as images of him and I run around with the song. Three days was all I had with him in person, but I had years of videos and conversations to fill the hours of the day, and dreams to fill my nights. He always gave me that crooked smile and those silly words that made my insides swoon. He is God's gift to the world. God had given him to me and my own free will gave him up. Why did I do such a dumbass thing. Looking down I notice my phone going off and the Empire State building was lit. "How long have I been sitting here." I pick up the phone and look at who's calling.

Rose. Rosalie to be exact. I closed my eyes answering. _"Hey Rose."_

_"Hey….Hey is all I get? Where the hell have you been Bells I've been sitting at Jekyll and Hyde for an hour now. If you're not here within ten fuckin mint."_ Shit. Dinner with Rose. She'll kill me.

_"Rose I'll be there in ten."_ She hung up before I could. Sighing I grabbed my coat and purse, locked the door and hailed a taxi to Jekyll and Hyde. Sitting back I remember first meeting Rose.

"_Isabella Swan." **Looking up at the woman calling my name I was stunned. She was drop dead gorgeous. I stood and followed her. She lead me into a room with a couch, two chairs and desk. It was dreary and stuffy but almost comforting. **_

"_Hello Isabella, I'm Rose." _

"_Please call me Bella."_

"_Okay Bella, Dr. Jasper will be here in a few, I just have a few general questions before we get started."** I nod my head and she begins.** "Okay, you are 18, female, single. Correct." **I nod.** "Good, now why are you here today?" _

**_I thought about that all day. Why was I even going, why was I doing this. I never got an answer from myself, but here I am sitting in a leather chair looking out the window at my beloved New York. Why was I here….. Because I had fucked up the best thing in my life? Because I was in love and stopped myself because I would just hurt him if I stayed around. How could I possibly do this, tell a complete stranger my problems. I needed help yes. I needed help from myself. I should have been commit for fucking up my own life, I was never the perfect girl everyone thought I was. I was scared and alone,. But I was a writer, a good one at that, I was the it-girl here in New York. I wrote the stories about young girls and shoes. I knew fashion better than anyone my age. I had a job at the Time when I turned 18. I had a book on the selves by age 20 and now 22 I was still in the same place I was when I came to New York. Where people knew who I was, but didn't know me. The real Isabella Swan who hid and ran from her problems. Back then, when I first stepped into that office seeing Rose I felt so small and broken. I never let it show. I put on make up to hide the bags, I wore halters and sundresses when all I wanted were my sweats and a gallon of Ben and Jerry's brownie cluster. I wished the world would have swallowed me hole. Just have the chair eat me and I would never return._**

"_I have been having problems with myself. I feel like I will never be enough for anyone." _

"_I see, well Dr. Jasper will be here in a moment."** Rose walked out and not a minute later Dr. Jasper walked in. He was blonde with very bright blue eyes, he looked so kind, like I could tell him anything and everything, and that's what I did. I told him everything. After that first meeting I walked out to Rose standing in front of me. She told me to follow her. We left the building walked to Jekyll and Hyde, started drinking and the rest was history.**_

Coming back to reality I saw we were nearing the pub and I paid the fare. I walked to the door ignoring the onlookers smiled at Embry and once he opened the door I walked inside seeing Rose in our normal spot. She waved and looked pissed. I walked over with my head down ordered a cosmo and shook my coat off. Rose waited until I took a sip of my drink before flicking my ear_. _

_"OW BITCH! Jesus I said I was sorry. I was writing him." _I put my hand over my mouth.

"_Are you telling me you sent the email?"_

"_No, I'm telling you I wrote it." _That got me another flick_ "SWEET BABY JESUS OW!"_

"_Why didn't you send it bitch?"_

"_It was too much Rose. At least it's written. I've gotten that done, next is pressing the send button."_

"_Bella, my dearest friend, you have to send it. It may help open you back up. What if he responds that he has been waiting for you to say that."_

"_And what if he doesn't. What if he doesn't do anything, just like he has been? Then I'll be back at square one."_

"_Bella don't think like that."_

Rose understood and tried to push me to follow my goal. I drank my first cosmo another one followed thanks to Sam. I smiled at him and took a sip.

"_Bella, I know it hurts," _You have no idea, I think as I take another sip._ "but you have to follow through. Just think he could just show up at your apartment tell you he has always wanted you back and fuck your brains out." _I smirk knowing that won't happen.

"_Rose, even if that were too happen it would be a little too good to be true, a dream prolly."_

"_Bella send the damn e-mail." I nod, never really thinking about sending it._

Looking away from Rose's bitch eye, as I have come to call it, I look in the mirror behind the bar. I look like the perfect girl. Beautiful, charming, sweet, kind, one of a kind. If that's how I look then why do I feel like I'm ugly, bitchy, moody, mean, and invisible. I don't know why I couldn't send the email. I know what I can blame but in the words of Dr. Hale,_ "Where would that get you? A shitty mood with a frown on you face. Did you know it takes more muscles to frown then smile?"_ I smirked when he said that to me, because it's true. No wonder my face hurt so fuckin much sometimes. Or is that the fake smile….hmmmm. While having this inner battle with myself I don't notice Rose trying to talk to me_._

"…_.so I asked him out. We are going to Planet Hollywood Friday night."_

" _Uhhhh…..Sounds fun."_

"_You missed all I said didn't you Isabella." _First name I'm in trouble.

"_Ummm…. If I say yes will you still give me that look?" _That earned me the middle finger.

"_I said, Emmett still hadn't asked me out. I was getting really pissed with all the staring and flirty. So I fuckin ignored him. Still not a damn thing,. I mean come on how did ignoring him not work. I give the best fuckin silent treatment in the world. So I grew the pair he couldn't and asked him out. We are going to Planet Hollywood Friday night."_

"_Wow Rose….You know how to get what you want. Why does it always seem to be so easy to you?" _I laughed only half meaning the last sentence.

"_Bella, it can be that easy for you. Just send the fuckin email."_

"_Rose, I really don't think I can yet. I mean come on. I would be even more fucked up with no response. Isn't it better to just let it go and not have to worry about getting hurt worse."_

"_Sweetie, I don't think you could get anymore broken. Just send the damn email. Have I ever lead you wrong."_

"_Well lets see, there was that one time when you told me the "hot" guy was staring at me and to go talk to him. I go and he asks for your number. Or that time when we were here and you said Sam was flirting with me, turns out he's gay. Or how about when…." _My mouth was suddenly covered. Quite rude.

"_Ofuckink I fuckin get it, alright? Holy crap, just take this advice, Jasper said the same thing. Just send it. New subject, lets find you a good looking guy to dance with for the night so you'll forget Fuckward."_

Rose always had a name for him, but I think Fuckward was her favorite. Sometimes it's Assward, or Dipshitward. Or my personal favorite, He'llbesorrywhenikickhisassward. I let out a giggle and Rose looks at me.

"_He'llbesorrywhenikickhisassward." _

She smirks and another drink is in front of me before I finish the last sip I had. I smile at Sam and I turn to look around, my eyes get big as I swing back around facing the a mirror and cover my face still looking behind me the mirror as my foggy view.

"_Uh…Bella, what the fuck is going on?"_

"_Nothing, it's just….. I could have sworn….there's no fuckin way….is there?" _I continue mumbling to myself as Rose looks at me like I've lost my ever loving mind and shrugs.

"_What the fuck are you talking about Bella?"_

"_I thought I saw him. I told you I'm starting to imagine shit again."_ I notice Rose look around then grab my hand and lead me outside.

"_Come on, you head home and I'll call you in the morning." _

Rose called me a cab and I went home, but not without noticing how she walked back into the pub with a very pissed off look sporting on her very pretty face.

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><p><em><strong>Well what did you all think? I hope you all enjoyed it and I will see you tomorrow with chapter two. <strong>_


	2. Sent and the Bing

_**Hello my little bings! I have added some photos on my bio. One is Bella's apartment, and the dresses worn by Bella and Rose in Chapter one. Anywho, this is the good part of the story, well the beginning of the good parts. I would like to thank those who have added me as your favorite author or story. I have so much love for you all and we are only two chapters in. I have big plans in store! I hope you all enjoy...see you at the bottom**_

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><p><em><strong>Sent and the Bing<strong>_

Walking in the door of my empty apartment I felt drained. I have no reason to be but being here alone is sometimes too much. I can hear the music from my neighbors apartment softly through the walls. I stood by the front door for a few minutes before I closed it and walked inside setting my purse down and hanging my coat in the closet. I smooth down my dress and get a look of myself in the mirror.

The It-Girl. How did I become this. I had it all, I know I did. Without him I really am empty. For years I have thought of nothing but him. Don't get me wrong, I have been with men. I had a three year relationship with a man. Everytime we had sex I wished it was Edward. Everytime he held my hand, I wished it was Edward. For three years I pretended Riley was Edward.

Riley was sweet and kind. He took care of me, never knowing how I really felt. I tried to end it early, but he kept pulling me back. Telling me he couldn't live without me. Knowing how that felt, I couldn't just end it for him. For three years we lived happily ever after. Yeah….okay. We fought all the time. Just fighting about anything. I started it. I can admit that. I tried to start fights so he would leave me. But he always said he was sorry. That he would try harder. I ended up pregnant, he wanted the baby, and in a way I did to. I went to the doctors, but after falling ill, I lost the baby. I think that was the last straw for him. Two weeks after that he packed his bags and left. I came home to a note on the table saying "I'm sorry, but I can't be with you. How could I be with someone so broken." The problem was he was right. Who would want to be with someone so broken. I am broken in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, I was broken. I shake my head of those thoughts. Then Edward's beautiful face enters my mind.

My mind gets flooded with memories suddenly. I turn away from the mirror and sit back on my sill and remember the first time I spoke to him on the internet and giggle at my own innocence.

~June 22, 2005~

Sitting here waiting for someone to come on is frickin boring. I put on some music and sing along to Good Charlotte. All of a sudden the bing of someone coming online sounds. It's Angela. Angela and I have been friends for years. We've gone to school together since kindergarten and have been best friends since. Soon she pops up with a question….

_Rockinchix2000: Hey Bells, Whatch ya up to? _

_Jadedprincess21: Not mucho, how about you?_

_Rockinchix2000: Not much talking to my cousin out in Cali._

_Jadedprincess21: Cool. How's he doing?_

_Rockinchix2000: Good…I have an idea…_

_Jadedprincess21: Sounds bad….I'm in. whats the idea?_

_Rockinchix2000: Lets talk with him! In a group chat._

_Jadedprincess21: How?_

_Rockinchix2000: I'll start it up._

_**Pianoman21 has entered the chat**_

_Rockinchix2000: Edward this is my best friend Bella._

_Pianoman21: Hello Bella._

_Jadedprincess21: Heyz_

_Rockinchix2000: Edward here just had his heart broken by the biggest bitch in the whoooooollllle world!_

_Pianoman21: Angela come on. I'm sure Bella doesn't want the story._

_Jadedprincess21: Really I don't mind. What happened?_

_Pianoman21: Sigh.. She cheated on me with my best friend._

_Jadedprincess21: You're kidding right. WHATS HER PROBLEM? Your best fuckin friend can I come kick her ass?_

_Pianoman21: lol….nice offer I would take you up on it if you could._

_Rockinchix2000: oh she could kick her ass_

_Pianoman21: I mean come here Angie._

_Rockinchix2000: ahhh nvm_

_Jadedprincess21: don't tempt me. _

_Pianoman21: haha then get out here_

_Rockinchix2000: I g2g guys mom wants to talk….idk what I did wrong now but it didn't sound good._

_Pianoman21: Better get out there before she flips._

_Rockinchix2000: yep bye!_

_Jadedprincess21:see ya in the am_

_Pianoman21: Bye Angie_

_**This session has ended because the host has left the chat**_

I closed out of the chat when another bing went off.

_Pianoman21: Hey, I hope you don't mind I added you._

_Jadedprincess21: no not at all whats up?_

_Pianoman21: Not much, talkin to you…..seems to be the highlight of my day._

_Jadedprincess21: Well Im happy to help… seems to be that you are flirting with me_

_Pianoman21: Possibly, hard to flirt over the internet._

_Jadedprincess21: well you're pretty good at it. :D_

_Pianoman21: :D Well glad I can be good at something you enjoy_

_Jadedprincess21: are you saying I enjoy your flirting_

_Pianoman21: Tell me you don't._

_Jadedprincess21: *Sits in silence*_

_Pianoman21: Point proven_

_Jadedprincess21: well you enjoy flirting with me so :P_

_Pianoman21: Yes I do._

_Jadedprincess21: wanna play a game?_

_Pianoman21: Like checkers?_

_Jadedprincess21: no questions, so we can get to know each other_

_Pianoman21: Sure you ask first_

_Jadedprincess21: Okay how old are you?_

_Pianoman21: 16 turning 17 in August_

_Jadedprincess21: im 15 fyi your turn_

_Pianoman21: Ok. Favorite color_

_Jadedprincess21: Purple. Favorite band_

_Pianoman21: Hard one….it's between The Used and AC/DC. What do you wanna do after graduation?_

_Jadedprincess21: I want to write, a book to be exact. Favorite Movie_

_Pianoman21: You'll laugh but Titanic_

_Jadedprincess21: OMG that's my favorite! _

_Pianoman21: Really?_

_Jadedprincess21: Yeah! It's fuckin awesome the love story is so deep. She never did let go of him. With that kind of love who could?_

_Pianoman21: Wow, that was really deep. Okay what do you like to do for fun?_

_Jadedprincess21: I like to go out with friends and hang out, get pizza, or a movie. What do you like in a girl_

_Pianoman21: I want a girl to be funny and not afraid to laugh at herself or me. I want her to be comfortable with me and be able to tell me anything. I want a girl who will stay by my side through the bad and love me no matter what._

_Jadedprincess21: Edward, you are a romantic huh._

_Pianoman21: Yeah I guess I am. What is your dream date?_

_Jadedprincess21: My dream date would be laying out under the stars listening to love songs with my head on his chest and wrapped in his arms while he sings with the music. Like no one would matter but us. I wanna be his it-girl._

_Pianoman21: Us?_

_Jadedprincess21: I mean him and I….sorry_

_Pianoman21: No need to be sorry…_

_Jadedprincess21: okay….What's the bitch's name?_

_Pianoman21: Tayna._

_Jadedprincess21: Tayna got it. She is on my shit list for life._

_Pianoman21: Lol…I like you a lot Bella._

_Jadedprincess21: I like you too Edward…a lot. Shoot Angie's calling I'll brb_

_Pianoman21: kk_

_**25 minutes later**_

_Pianoman21: Bella? Is everything okay?_

_Jadedprincess21: Angela is moving next week….. To Mississippi…_

_Pianoman21: Shit, are you serious?_

_Jadedprincess21: As a heart attack. I have to go Edward I'm sorry_

_Pianoman21: Okay look is you need anything let me know!_

_**Jadedprincess21 has signed off**_

My best friend is moving all because her dad's job said he had to go there or they would fire him. I hate jobs! Don't they realize they are ruining someone's life? How am I gonna get through high school without my best friend? I hate this shit, life fuckin sucks…. The only good thing from today is Edward. Oh Edward. I've only seen pictures of him and always thought he was hot but to have him talk to me, even online, he is the dream guy. He is everything I want in a guy. If only he lived closer. Jesus help me. I think I'm falling for him in a matter of minutes. Wait… is that true love?

_**Present **_

I would later learn that it was true love. Staring out the window a tear falls from my eye. How did I ever let him go. I was so cruel. I never gave him a chance once shit got bad. I closed myself off the him. Something I regret so much now. I looked at the laptop. Trying to make up my mind, _I already had so much regret, what could make it worse. _

I pace back and forth looking between the clock, the floor, and the computer screen calling my name. I slowly walked over to it. "Here goes nothing." Opening up the computer and finding the email right where I left it, I hit the send button. The second I hit send I feared I shouldn't have. I wanted to take it back. Knowing I couldn't I sighed and walked to my bedroom put my robe on and took a bath.

Candles and soft music with a glass of wine. Hoping to relax I sunk down to my nose and listened to my heartbeat throughout the water. I was finally relaxing when memories flooded my mind again. The day Angie moved was rough on me, and Edward was there the whole time, sending texts to my phone. Making sure we were okay. I couldn't help but fall in love with him. I remember hugging Angela for the last time and telling her we'd talk later that tonight. Making plans to go down there once summer break came. Only summer break came, but there was never a trip. Angela and her parents were killed ten miles from their new home. A drunk driver blew through a red light and the car flipped.

They all died on impact. I was never the same after that. Soon death followed me everywhere. An aunt passing, or a cousin. I felt like no matter what I touched it would die. I became so enclosed that I stayed in my room after school, barely ate. The only person I would talk to openly was Edward. He took my bitch moods and made me smile. He could always make me smile. I could never be sad when he would talk to me.

After a year of talking online and on the phone we made a plan. He would come to see me.

Only that plan never worked. His mother didn't like someone taking her baby away, and after her sister dying in a car accident just a year before she didn't want him going to far. I know we are on different coasts with two different oceans but we were never far from each other.

Our hearts where already connected in a matter of a few weeks of talking. We grieved over losing Angela and it became a solid connection. One that I thought no one could break. But I was oh so wrong. Someone could break it, not his mom, not him, not God. The only person who could break something so perfect was me. I sat up quickly and closed my eyes remembering his face. His beautiful face smiling at me. I could hear his voice saying my name. Telling me he loved me and nothing could change that.

Suddenly there was a beep. The lobby was calling, but why so late?

I jumped up got my robe around me, threw my hair up in a towel, and ran to the phone. Only slipping once. I go to answer it only to find it wasn't the phone at all. I heard the beep again, only this time, it was a bing. I turned to my computer slowly. It was lit up like the fuckin Rockefeller's Christmas telling me I had mail. I sat down at the desk and brought one knee up under my chin staring at the screen, not believing my eyes.

_**Pianoman21 has signed on**_

I quickly signed out. I wasn't ready for this. Any of it. It was only minutes ago I had all the confidence in the world, but now I'm freaking out. I grab my cell phone and call Rose.

_"Hello?"_ She was wide awake.

_"I sent the email."_

_"And?"_

_"I have a new message in my inbox."_

_"Oh my God, open it!"_

_"I can't move Rose."_

_"I'll be there in twenty. Take deep breaths."_

She hung up and when she open the door to the apartment, I was still sitting there. One leg propped up with my chin on my knee, the phone still in my hand up to my ear, and I couldn't stop staring. Nor could I begin moving. I did however hear Rose screaming my name just before I fell out of the chair out cold.

_**Spinning room. What happened? **__I looked around and found I was in my childhood home. Looking around I notice nothing has changed. I looked in the mirror that hung on the wall entering the living room and realized I was only seventeen. I touch my face through the mirror. I look so much younger for just a few years ago. Suddenly my father came in and gave me a weird look. _

"Bells, what are you doing?"

"Nothing Daddy." _I smile at him. I've missed him so much. I run and hug him._

"I missed you Daddy."

"Bells, I saw you this morning before school. Are you feeling okay." _He feels my forehead with his lips._ "No fever."

"No, I feel fine. Can't a girl miss her dad."

_I release him from the hug and tell him I'll be in my room. Walking up the stairs laugh at how many times I had fallen down them. I open the door to my room, it's just how I remember it. I touch the dresser and run my finger over the photo of Angela and I. Looking at my first desk that still sits in my apartment today, I see my laptop. Opening it I hear the bing I missed so much._

_**Pianoman21: Bella? Are you there?**_

_What am I suppose to say. Wait, if Dad is still alive, then I never ruined it. I never broke him. Smiling from ear to ear I write back._

_**Jadedprincess21: Hey Handsome**_

_**Pianoman21: Beautiful, I've missed you.**_

_**Jadedprincess21: I missed you more**_

_**Pianoman21: You know that is never possible my love.**_

_**Jadedprincess21: How was your day?**_

_**Pianoman21: Much better now. Yours?**_

_**Jadedprincess21: Amazing now. **__**J**_

_**Pianoman21: Baby, I have something to tell you.**_

_**Jadedprincess21: that doesn't sound good**_

_**Pianoman21: It's great, I hope anyway…. What do you have planned next week?**_

_**Jadedprincess21: nothing…..why Edward?**_

_**Pianoman21: I will be there Monday morning.**_

_**Jadedprincess21: OMFG you're serious! **_

_**Pianoman21: I already spoke to you Dad and he agreed I will stay with you guys for the week and because it's summer you will be home.**_

_**Jadedprincess21: Edward, this is amazing. Face to face. After two years! OMG I'm in tears.**_

_**Pianoman21: I am to. The plane gets into Philadelphia Airport at 7 am. I'm already packed. Will you pick me up?**_

_**Jadedprincess21: I'll be there at 3! God this is amazing! I'm dreaming. **_

_**Pianoman21: Baby its true, and it's real, no dream.**_

_So he thinks. We talk the night away before he and I say our good-byes. I watch the sun come up and finally lay down.. _

"_God please, don't send me back to the real world. Just give me this week to relive the best week of my life. Please. Amen."_

_I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes reliving the week before it even happened._

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><p><strong><em>Well well...a twist in our little story! What did you think? It will only get better from here. Remember this is a drama and a romance. But no Jacob. Sorry! Maybe soon though!<em>**

_**Much love, NYCitgirl**  
><em>


	3. Going Back in Time

_**A/N Hello everyone still with me. Sorry it's been awhile I have been in and out of the hospital for a few months and some surgery's put me out of commission for typing. But I am back with a new chapter and another all written! Thank you for the reviews they mean alot. I hope you enjoy the chapter and if you have any feedback just review the story!**  
><em>

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><p><em>Dark, swirling colors surround me. I remember getting to start over. I was seventeen again, he was coming. For me. Only me. A new start. For us. Please let this be real, let me really start over, don't make me go back to that place where he doesn't want me. Where I hurt him so terribly. <em>

Opening my eyes I realize I'm still at my dad's old home. I still have my dad, and Edward will be here in two hours! I jump out of my bed, excited for the day. Dad walks into my room and smile noticing I'm already awake.

"Bells, you gotta go soon."

"I know. I'm going to get ready now."

I hug him and kiss his cheek thanking him for the millionth time and jump in the shower.

"I'm walking on sunshine wooohooo! And don't it feel good!"

I haven't felt this happy since this year sooo many years go. I get out of the shower and get dressed. I'm looking good too. A shorter skirt with a tank top, and flip flops. I put on foundation and eyeliner wit a touch of mascara. I leave my hair down with the curl and run to my keys giving dad one last hug and run to my car. Starting the car I feel those butterflies and smile. I would get this chance. I get to make it right. Putting the car in gear I rush to the airport. It's early and I had no traffic due to the time so I got a coffee and sat down looking at the board waiting to see if his flight is getting in early. My leg is jumping up and down. I keep checking the time. 6:45. Fifteen minutes. I take a big breath and go to the terminal where Edward's plane is already on the ground. Standing there I wait and people start to pour our the door. I stand on my tippie toes and move around the people to see him. After ten minutes I start to worry. Did he miss his plane? When I saw him. Bag over his shoulder and looking just like I remember. After all, I get to relive this day. I smile and scream his name, he turns and we both run toward each other. I jump into his arms with my legs wrapped around his waist. Being able to change all of this is so much easier. To start this over right. I don't have to wait for him to touch me. I smile into his neck and he holds me tight. Gently setting me down he is smiling the crooked smile right back at me. Holding out a pack of cigarettes and I reach for them. He puts them above his head and tells me to say please.

"Edward pwwwease!"

"Bella you know I can't take those puppy eyes."

Handing me the cigarettes he sweetly kisses my cheek. I smile and pull his hand into mine. We work our way out of the airport and toward my car. We talked quietly and sweetly never being able to let go. He opened the car door for me and I start the car once his bags and he are in. We drive home still holding hands and talking.

"Bella, this is so surreal. I'm here."

"I know Teddy Bear. But it is real and we have all week."

The drive home was… exciting. We held hands and stole glances every chance we got. The conversation was easy and light. As we pulled up to my childhood home in New Jersey I smiled and parked. He smiled back and jumped out of the car running around to open my door once again. He held his hand out helping me out of my old truck. He grabs his bags and comes back holding my hand and we walk toward the house. My dad's cruiser was parked in the driveway.

Yeah, my daddy was the chief of police here. It's a small town but we are close enough to the city that it could be dangerous if you go on the wrong side of the railroad tracks. A few men's life's have been lost including my fathers in 2008. I was eighteen when my father was shot by a man who was holding his wife hostage. My daddy tried to get him to calm down and release his wife. The man decided my father's life was enough and killed him. I shook the thoughts from my mind

Edward opens the door for me and I smile walking inside. He sets his bags down by the door and closes the door once we are both inside. I pull him with me toward the living room hearing my father already watching the Yankee game.

"Daddy, we're home."

My dad stands and shakes Edwards hand telling him its about time he got to meet the man who stole his daughter's heart and if he broke it my dad would break him. I laughed knowing my dad was a big teddy bear and was trying to scare Edward just because he was Chief and I was his only daughter. Edward smiled and took it like a champ.

"Never in my life Sir. She has more of a chance of breaking mine."

I frowned knowing that I would end up doing that to him. He kissed my forehead and smiled down I smile back up at him making sure he never saw my frown. Dad tells us to go start our vacation. I hug my dad and Edward shakes his hand telling him he'd have me back by ten. Dad smiled and said midnight was fine. I grabbed Edward's hand and headed back out to my truck. Edward once again opened my door for me and I hopped in and closed the door while he got in the passenger side. I started the truck and drove toward the park. Edward held my hand never asking where we were headed. I parked close to the entrance and shut off the engine. Edward grabbed my hand once he had opened the door and I was out of the truck. We walked hand in hand through the park talked about anything that came to mind until we got to the swings. I ran with him still holding my hand and sat down on the swing. The park was pretty empty for a summer day but I didn't mind. Edward stood behind me and started pushing me. I close my eyes and let the wind run through my hair and against my face. All of a sudden the swinging stopped and when I opened my eyes Edward was knelling in front of me. Just inches from my face. He leaned in closing his eyes and began kissing me. I close my eyes and kissing him back with more love than I knew I was capable of. I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through his messy bronzy hair. How did I ever let this go. The kissing got more intense and soon we were pulling away out of breath and panting like two dogs in the heat. I slowly open my eyes and smile. Edward had the look of bliss on his face. The same look he had when he first kissed me. I had made this week move faster all by making the first move.

"I love you Edward Anthony Cullen."

"And I love you Isabella Marie Swan. Now how about some ice cream"

I smiled and took his hand in mine as we walked back to my truck and headed to the ice cream shop. I ordered chocolate fudge brownie while Edward ordered peanut butter blast. We sat outside and ate our ice cream sharing spoonfuls and smiling. At one point chocolate was sitting on the corner of my mouth and Edward leaned over and licked it off and kissed me once softly once he was done. I pulled him back and kissed him back slipping my tongue into his mouth. He groaned at the feeling as did I.

I pulled away and threw away our ice cream and pulled him to my truck. I threw the truck in gear and sped to the field out past Angela's old house. No one had bought the land so it remained empty. It was already eight at night and the moon would be the only light. I parked in the field and climbed into the bed of the truck I fixed the blankets I had hiding in the bed of the truck and threw the pillows up on one side.

Edward followed after turning on his Ipod to a playlist of every love song I have ever shared with him.

He was on top of me kissing me franticly and I pulled his shirt off his head before pulling him back to continue our battle of the tongues. Edward pulled away and slowly took my top off. He unhooked my bra and laid me down on the blankets I had laying in the bed of my truck. I ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed down my ear, to my neck and breasts. He kissed the outside edges first teasing me and making me go crazy. I pushed my chest closer to his mouth wanting more.

He chuckled "All in time princess." I smiled at his petname and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Edward and I were both virgins, I have no idea how he knew so much, how he knew to drive me crazy. Luckily, me going back in time, I had knowledge he wouldn't have any idea about either. He made his way to my very ready nipples. He sucked one into his warm wet mouth and pushed his hand to rub and pinch the other. I moaned as he switched to the other breast and gave that one the same torture. He slid down my body kissing every inch of skin on his way and unbuttoned my skirt while his kisses tickled my tummy. I giggled and he smiled and continued down as he pulled my skirt and panties with him. "God Bella you smell so fuckin good." Lust had washed over both of us and as his warm mouth danced over my wet lady parts I couldn't hold back the moan nor did I want to. He needed to know how wonderful he was and how terrific this felt. In no time he had me scrumming and moaning as my orgasm hit and hit hard it did. I was screaming his name and I hit my high, he kept kissing, licking, and sucking my clit as I slowly came down from my high. He kissed back up my body and I came back down from my Edward induced high. "You taste like strawberries baby."

I pushed him onto his back and sat on top of his very hard and waiting member. I kissed him, tasting myself on his tongue. He was right, I could taste strawberries. I giggles and made my way down his body exploring every piece of skin and freckle there was. As I got to his waist I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them, along with his boxers off,. I stared at his member committing it to memory. I kissed my way from base to tip and took him in my mouth. He moaned my name and ran his fingers through my locks of hair. I began moving up and down, never able to take him all the way into my mouth. I moved my tongue around his head and nipped at his more sensitive spot. He pulled me up to him and flipped us both over. He slowly pushed inside of me. I felt the pressure and a bit of pain but the pleasure soon took over and we were both moaning each others names. Neither of us lasted long and as we both came we held each other close. He slid out of me and held me for an hour just playing with my hair and whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

We both redressed but remained in the bed of my truck talking about anything and everything. Nothing was left out. His mother said hello and hoped I was doing well. He held me and ran his fingers through my hair never letting me go and I never wanted him to. Afraid if he did I would fall back into my real time and never get this back. Midnight was close and we had to get back to my house, as I pulled up out-front the porch light was the only light on. Dad must have gone to bed right after work. I unlocked the door and we both went inside. Edward grabbed his bags and brought them to the guest room. I lingered by the door and he came over wrapping his arms around me and kissed me passionately and I returned the kiss with everything in my body. We pulled apart and said good night. By the time I entered my room I had a feeling that would be the last kiss I would get. I knew I would wake up in the right time and I wouldn't have anymore good days with Edward. I was happy God gave me one day, I didn't need to be greedy but I wanted to be. I fell asleep crying not knowing what would happen when I opened my eyes again.


End file.
